There’s a place that I go

That nobody knows,

Where there’s nothing back darkenss

Deafening silence

Clouds of black

Empty heavy hearts

Silent tears

Frustration

and Confusion.

There is never a reason to go there, but some how

I always end up there.

Clinging to the thoughts that I would never take my own life

But begging God to give me back life

Feeling… never good enough …

Never smart enough,

Never ….

Humble enough to know my pride is causing this depression.

Fear of failure cripples my willingness to try

Praying to God in only tears of pain

Not understanding the source so I can get rid of it and run far away.

I’ll never fit in and I’ll never always get it right.

I want to have hope and live in it.

But this place that I go,

That nobody knows

Is to dark to escape.

Who Will

Who will wipe these tears away
The very salty droplets that drip drops into a waterfall of pain
As silent screams utter from the very lips you last kissed to take the pain away…
Out from the mouth does the heart speak
But no words can be formed
No utterances but silence
So from where is the source of these tears
That fill the tears in this tattered and abused heart
The very heart you said you will protect
The very heart you said at all cost shall not feel hear or see pain.

How quickly the protector unintentionally becomes the abuser
You who once kissed these tears away
Are now the source of this very pain

So who? Who will wipe my tears away
These salty droplets that drip drops
Into a waterfall of pain.

-R.A.Robertson

It’s Real

I won’t forget what you did
I won’t forget the sleepless nights
You soothed me through
The way you hold me
When I fail to hide my heart from you

I won’t forget the jokea
The long walks
The realities shared
The moments and memories made

They are all imprinted on my heart.
I won’t forget how you look my in the eyes to assure me of how loved I am
The sacrifices you made just to hold my hand
I wont forget that what we have is real

Ill never doubt your ability to love me
To cherish whatever future we may have
I never doubted your ability to be the man your daughter now has
I always knew you’d be there for her mom

See beyond my complaints
Cause even through the pain
I remember every reason I love you
Everything I appreciate about you.

-R.A.Robertson

I’m Too Paula

It’s in my blood

“If evolution has taught us anything, it is that survival means passing on the fittest of our genes to the next generation.”

This past week I spent my time fellowshipping and grappling with the word and with life’s challenges with over 90 other campers on the Kendal Hill top. We focused on the theme “Overcoming the Tuff Stuff” with reference to the life of Joseph. At a glance the account of Joseph could be easily taken for granted, but as we dived deeper into each account of his demise and promotion we realized that we are all Josephs.

In this life that seems to be a fight of the survival of the fittest we must overcome. At some point in life we have all asked how do we overcome; betrayal, bitterness, temptation, disappointment, success and more. For each issue there are many methods on how to overcome them, but in studying the life of Joseph this past week I’ve realized one common factor- Confidence that God is with you

(Proverbs 3:26 “For the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.”).

So yes, it’s in your blood to overcome. Our forefather Joseph son of Israel was an overcomer, this was his fittest trait and so he passed it on from generation to generation. You have the ability to overcome, you do not have to wallow in your circumstances and situations. You don’t have to give in to anyone or anything that is against the Lord your God. Do not be discouraged by the situation you are in, the people around you, your past nor your present. But at all times have confidence that God is with you

(Jerimiah 29: 11-14)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.^[a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

You are a descendant of Joseph, You are an Overcomer- It’s in your Blood.

Challenge: Speak to your situations (ALL OF THEM even those you think are too small) and declare that you are an Overcomer and these things and these people will not tear you down.

Don’t forget to pray.

A new Heart, A new Song

Stop focusing on the situation and focus on the praise

Even in writing this poem I was forced to stop looking at the poem but focus on the praise.

For all will work out for the glorification of God.

I made a comment in jest the other day, but with so much truth behind it…

“In a few years being Christian will be illegal, being heterosexual will be frowned upon and both punishable by death…”

A friend said “and what a glorious day that will be! Finally! Persecuted for righteousness sake”

Almost as if he has been waiting on this day his entire life…

His comment got me thinking

How often do we focus on the situation and not the reason to praise

We forget that our situations are only reasons for us to worship.

You see our praise doesn’t stem from the words shining forth from a tiny machine above our heads,

Glistening over a perfectly hung white fabric,

No our praise doesn’t stem from a happy situation where all is going well.

No our praise stems from the magnificence of truth hidden in the depths of our soul that regardless of where we stand, where we sit how we look and what we are going through, The Almighty God is in control.

We sing the same songs, read the same scriptures day in day out,

Listen to the same sermon every Sunday with different words and a different messenger expecting a new deliverance and a greater blessing.

How often do we sit and match each song to scripture?

Jackie Hill once said when we go to the market to a buy a fruit, we sniff it, feel it analyze before we pay for it, so why don’t we test the fruit of our leaders…

And I ask you why don’t we test the fruit of the praises we proudly utter?

Test the fruit of each key you play, each beat you make, which string you touch…

Test the fruit of your worship….

A new song doesn’t mean new lyrics, a new song also means a new heart.

The heart that first sang “ I give myself away” is not the same heart that now sings “ I gave myself away” regardless of what your mouth says…

The heart that sang “I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hands” now sings “I sit at His feet and I drink from his cup”

A new song from the depth of your heart maybe the same old lyrics with a new heart behind it

A new prayer

A new declaration

A new blessing

A new treble

A New bass

A new key

A new chord

A new heart!

Sing unto the Lord a new song!

So when you look and see the laws of the Lord being perverted, you will not in dismay ban your belly and bawl

But you will sing and rejoice for His prophesy are coming to fruit

When you see your brothers and sisters being killed for their faith you will not be discouraged but rejoice for His promise still stands

When you see your brothers and sisters being unjustly dealt with for their pigmentation is a little too strong, don’t throw your arms up and be beaten down, but remember He is the ultimate judge

When the situation seems bigger than you,

you will rejoice with a new song for you know Your God is bigger.

Why focus on the situation when you can focus on the praise.

-Radical_Poet

A Message from the Lord’s heart to you (Daughters of the King)

“I will increase your capacity to love. As you give your heart to Me, the walls that you’ve placed around your heart will come tumbling down. I will increase your ability to love. As you seek after Me the thoughts of mistrust will go far away. You will be able to love with My love. My love sets you free, it never binds you. My perfect love will cast out all your fears. My spirit of humility will clothe you. See? I have something better planned for you, a pleasant surprise. I will teach you how to receive love and give My love away without fear. I will heal every wound and mend your broken heart. You can love. Yes, you can. You can love those around you with My love and please your Father. It is not an impossible feat meant only for the naturally compassionate. My love has been shed abroad on your heart by My Spirit whom I gave you. He is your guide who teaches you all things and leads you into all truth, including the truth of how to love.”

(1 John 4:18; Romans 5:5; 1 Peter 5:5; John 16:13; 2 Timothy 1:7)

Sad Truth

Many of us will never achieve everything people think we should,

We won’t always have life the way we want,

As much as we try we are often wrong,

Even when everyone agrees with us.

Many of us will make a list of what not to become,

But the truth is some of those things we already are.

As much as we would love to deny it,

We are all liars, and if you said no to that,

Now you are.

Even though we try not to,

We engage in gossip at some point of our daily activities,

We judge others that we don’t know,

We have a plaque in our eye, and rebuke others with just a smudge.

We cover our dirty secrets with a smile,

But deep down we hurt from the guilt that takes us over.

Sometimes we only truly appreciate things when at its best benefits us…

There are many other things we try not to talk about, or admit about our lives..

But that’s just the Sad Truth.

-Radical_Poet

Dear Parents…

I may argue with you

I may dislike the things you do.

I may complain

And say you cause me much pain

But it’s time to admit

That even tho i refuse to submit,

I appreciate everything you did,

I always loved you as teen, as kid

You are my first, my only

Without you I wouldn’t be me.

We’ll always have moments of laughter and

I’ll forever be your loving daughter ❤

– Radical_Poet

(Oldie but Goodie)

Be crippled or Fight

Hi, I’m in a very sober mood right now.

Today at dancing, by the way …I dance with BaSiS Ensemble ( go check out our FB page and IG)..

So yea, today at dancing, I was really enjoying myself, releasing some of the stress of  exams, letting go of all my worries, my concerns and just being free in my ministry , allowing my passion for dance to minister to me.

FREEDOM, PEACE, ME AND GOD TIME… Something I really needed…

As we prepared to run through the choreography again, and I’m getting up a sharp pain ran through my knee to my little toe. My knee was bent and locked in place but i didn’t feel it till i attempted to get up. the pain had me bawling in the middle of the dance floor.

Now this is something i have experienced before but never on the dance floor and never so intensely!

The foot couldn’t be straightened, and just like that the peace that i had found was ruined and replaced with pain and fear. As persons tended to the foot massage the knee icing it and all that drama, i buried my face in the ground  and cried harder not because of the pain but because of the thoughts I started to have and the embarrassment i felt.

Just like that the enemy found a loophole, just like that he statred to bombard my thoughts, but also just like that the promises of Lord stood firm in my heart.

As i cried a voice said to me” you’ll never dance again, your ministry is over, you are done, no more of you!” But another voice all so said to me, i promised you new moves, greater levels of ministry was spoken into your life, you are my dancer!”

Again the enemy said ” What if you can’t even walk again? you are crippled! this is the end of you!” but my Lord said “You know the promises I made to you, now choose right now, remain crippled or get up and walk!”. As those options laid before me I said in my heart I will not just walk again, but I will continue to dance, as those words rested on my heart and sealed the deal the pain started to subside, and immediately i was rolled over and helped off the dance floor.

I didn’t experience any sudden, sky opening, tongues lashing healing, in fact right now the entire leg is uncomfortable, but i was given the strength to get up and walk. As my friend iced and rubbed my knee the thought came to me.. this is how our Christian walk works!

The moment we start feeling good, and loosing ourselves in the glory of God forgetting all else and we feel so safe and the moment finally becomes perfect, we upset the enemy and he attacks. When he attacks we are also tested.

The enemy feeds us with lies he masks as the truth with a twist and God reminds us of His promises and tells us to choose ye this day. Even after choosing to deny the lies and accept the truth the blow that enemy hit us with doesn’t go away immediately but serves as a reminder of the greatness and awesomeness of a sovereign God, and in the midst of recovery He is our healer, healing the wounds we got in battle.

Truth is people will also see when you get knocked down, when you mess up, when you slip and it will hurt especially when you know they look up to you ( as a senior dancer crying in the middle of rehearsals on the dance floor is not something you want anyone to see you do). But here’s the truth as well, you can either stay down or get up.. what do you think a good leader should do?

My message to you is, you may have been hit recently in the midst of your peace but you have a choice, listen to the lies or accept the truth, stay crippled or walk… choose ye this day. People may have possibly seen you fall recently but are you going to let them look down on you flat on your face and say you are a quitter or are you going to get up be a testimony and be called a fighter… again i say to you, choose ye this day.

I choose to walk! I am a fighter!

-Radical_Poet